Star Light, Star Bright
by TwilightSnowStar
Summary: This is a continuation of my fanfic Star Spirit. Read it before you read this. Contains New Moon spoilers! What would happen if you found the one thing you were looking for, only to have it ripped away?


**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or New Moon, but they belong to Stephenie Meyer. This is a work of fanfiction based on the Twilight Series owned by Stephenie Meyer, and unrelated except for the use of the story and certain dialogue as a base._**

**_Ok, this a continuation to my fic, Star Spirit. If you haven't read it, I recommend you read it before you read it before you read this._**

**_Note: This does contain New Moon spoilers._**

* * *

A star. It had all started with a star. It would end with a star too. I remember what my mother had told me. About how stars were so beautiful because they were the spirits of people, that the stars were their inner beauty.

Flashback-

I lay there on the blanket in the backyard. I could hear the sound of people walking and of automobiles on the street in front of our apartment, but they were starting to quiet and the night's sounds were starting to conquer. The street lamps seemed to dim and soon, all that I could see were the stars in the inky black sky.

"They're beautiful, aren't they Edward?" I hadn't noticed Mother lay down beside me and gaze up at the stars around us.

"Yes, Mother."

"You know Edward, as much as your lessons can teach you, your father, or even I can teach you, the stars can still teach you something."

I was curious, what did she mean?

"What do you mean Mother?"

"Your grandmother told me this, like her father told her, and his mother told him. The stars are very beautiful Edward and you can look up at them for an eternity and still be amazed by them. But do you know why the stars are so beautiful?"

I was still confused by all this but listening to my mother's melodic voice while looking up at the stars was bliss and I enjoyed it.

"Why Mother?"

"Because Edward, each and every star is a person's spirit. Someone's star shows their true beauty, because if you look hard in every person, you'll see that, inside, they are as beautiful as their star."

"Is it true Mother? Are people really like that? Are the stars really their spirits?"

"Yes, Edward. It is very true, but do you want to know something else?"

I was becoming absorbed in her story. Was it really true?

"Yes Mother."

"Everyone's star has a partner. If you ever manage to count the stars, you'll find that there is never one that isn't with another star. That star's partner is that person's soul mate or you could call it their spirit mate."

"Do you know who your spirit mate is Mother?"

"Yes, your father. I could never be in love with anyone but your father. Purely, he is my true love."

"How do you know who your spirit mate is?"

"You can never have a way to find your spirit mate, Edward. But if you were truly meant to be with that person than Fate will find a way to bring you together."

"Which is your spirit? Which is mine?"

"You can never really tell which star is you, but your star is the star that your eyes always stray to somehow, the star that you look at the most and your favorite one to look at is your star."

"Do you see yours here?"

"I think so. Mine is the one right up there." And she pointed to a large star that was near the top of the tree that situated part of our lawn.

Then my Mother spoke again. "Which do you think is yours Edward?"

I looked up at the stars and once again found the one that I had been staring at before Mother started talking.

"That one, directly above us."

"Yes, that star is as beautiful as your spirit is supposed to be. Do you know how to find your spirit mate's star Edward?"

"How?"

"Their star will be the one that shines the brightest to you. You alone will be able to see their star's additional shine, because they will always be beautiful to you."

I searched the sky for the star that shone so brightly to me.

"I can't find it, why don't I have a spirit mate Mother?"

"You do Edward. Everyone does, maybe your spirit mate isn't alive yet. Believe me, everyone has their true love. Someday, you'll find the star that shines so brightly to you, and you will know that your true love exists, just search the skies, and you will find her."

At that we were silent, as we both gazed up at the spirits in the sky.

-End Flashback

My mother had been right. I did find my star spirit companion, my soul mate, my Bella. Bella was my one true love, I would always love her more than anything else. But she wouldn't love me. She was my spirit mate, but I wasn't hers. And though it sent a crippling wave of pain through me, I knew that I was right. Bella's spirit mate would be someone how wouldn't endanger her life, someone who would always be there for her.

That thought brought back unbidden images from my memory, about the day that I left Bella.

Another Flashback- (This is part of New Moon in EPOV. It has to be done.)

"Okay, let's talk," she said, her sweet voice thread with concern and worry, although she tried her best to hide it. That made me anxious once again about what I would have to do.

"Bella, we're leaving." The thought of leaving her sent a blade through me, like I was continually being stabbed.

She took a deep breathe, "Why now? Another year-"

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." She seemed to be taking it well, at least better than I thought she would, but then what I said made an impact in her mind as her face showed confusion and then grief.

"When you say we-"

"I mean my family and myself." I stared at her, willing myself to not try to comfort her, to not take her into my arms and stroke her hair, to not say that I would take her with me, that I would never leave her.

"Okay, I'll come with you." If only she could come with me, but me leaving her alone was the entire point of this.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going...it's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella." She could've been killed so many times because of me. As much as I loved her, and as much as the selfish creature me inside screamed at the idea of leaving her, I couldn't stay with her.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life." How I wished I could believe her, believe that when she was with me, nothing was wrong, that she was perfectly safe. I had stopped deluding myself that I could never let anything hurt her, it was just too close.

"My world is not for you." Please don't let me do this. If there really is a God, He won't make me do this.

"What happened with Jasper, that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Pheonix, you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you." Oh God, no! She's going to make me do it.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, Edward! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you, it's your's already!" I didn't want to hear that, she couldn't mean that.

I had to do it, I hated to do it, but I had to do it. I had to hurt Bella to save her. I loved her so much but I had to do this, if I didn't, I would never forgive myself.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." Those simple words, I used those 9 words every day of my life, but in that order they were unfathomable.

Bella seemed to struggle with my words. She seemed to believe me, after all that we'd been through, after everything I'd told her, she didn't believe I loved her with just a few simple words. The knowledge of that was terrible.

"You...don't...want...me?" Of course I wanted her, I'd always want her, til eternity and beyond. What blasphemy was I speaking?

"No."

I was causing her pain, I could see that. What kind of person was I? Only a monster would hurt Bella like that.

"Well that changes things." She believed me! In those beautiful brown orbs, I saw conviction that I was right, that I didn't really love her. She just believed me! She would never have me now, no matter how much I begged and pleaded, she would never forgive me for lying to her, for putting her in such pain.

I had to look away from her, so I wouldn't have to see that she believed me.

"Of course, I'll always love you...in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm...tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human." Don't believe him, Bella! That's not me saying this, you know I wouldn't ever hurt you. You know that I wouldn't ever stop loving you, or leave you. That person saying those things to you, that's not me! That person is a monster, am I a monster to you? I was screaming at myself in my mind. What are you doing? You're walking away from the best thing that has ever happened to you, and will ever happen to you! How can you do this? She will never have you back, this is the point of no return!

"I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." That's a lie! I would never be truly sorry for the few precious months that I had with her. That time was more precious to me than all of eternity.

"Don't. Don't do this." I had to now, I knew that. No matter how much I shouted at myself, I knew that I had to.

"You're not good for me, Bella." I'm not good for you! I would die if not for you! I would really die, no matter it's impossible! I would die if I didn't have you, Bella.

"If...that's what you want." No! That is not what I want! It couldn't be further from what I want! What I want is to hold you, Bella! Can't you see? The only thing that is allowing me to survive as I say these blasphemous words, is the knowledge that you will be better off. But know this, Bella, this couldn't be further from the things I want.

But I couldn't tell her any of that. For this to work, she has to believe what I say. I couldn't verbally affirm what she was saying though, so I had to make due with a nod.

I couldn't let it end like this though.

"I would like to ask one favor, though. If that isn't too much." After what I'd just done to her, I'd be lucky if she ever looked my way. Just the pained expression on her face brought more pain and grief than I'd ever thought possible.

"Anything." Please, just this once, let her listen to me.

"Don't do anything reckless, or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" That was probably the only truth that I'd spoken out loud to her all evening, and I couldn't leave her without my fears being put to rest, temporarily.

"I'm thinking of Charlie of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself, for him." I couldn't give a damn about Charlie! I'm not making you promise this for him! Please, do this for me. The inner me was starting to growl in anger. The inner me was appalled at myself for doing this to me, and it was showing how it felt very loudly.

"I will." Please, do this for me, don't look at me with those tear-filled eyes, I'm having a hard enough time with it myself, one look from you, it would all be lost.

"And I'll make you a promise to you in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on in your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." If I have to leave Bella, have to have my dead heart ripped from my chest, than I was going to get something out of it. If I had to leave Bella, then Bella was going to live a normal life.

Bella. My beautiful Bella was now shaking, tears were silently pouring down her face, even at this catastrophic moment, I could appreciate the beauty of her, even with tears on her face, she was the most beautiful thing to ever grace this earth.

That did it, seeing Bella cry made me have to comfort her at least in the slightest bit, I was amazed that I was able to hold back my natural instincts as far as I have.

I smiled at her, tried to make it kind, but I couldn't let my pain shine through. "Don't worry. You're human-your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." It was inevitable, eventually Bella would forget me and move on with her life, she would forget everything that I had said to her, forget what she had felt for me, she would forget...me.

"And your memories?" Her soft voice, now sounding as if she was holding back many tears, broke me out of my thoughts.

"Well,"- I would never forget her, no matter what, I would never forget her laughter, her voice, her pain as I tell her these words, I would never forget her- "I won't forget," Hell I won't! "But my kind...we're very easily distracted." I had to smile at her, just this last time. I tried, I don't think it worked.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." I took a step away from my only love, my only life, my Bella.

But something I said caught her attention, she looked up at me with clear eyes. "Alice isn't coming back," she whispered.

I hated to cause her any more pain but it had to be done.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you good-bye."

"Alice is gone?" She seemed more alarmed by this fact. I'm sorry.

"She wanted to say good-bye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

"Good-bye, Bella." It was time, the time that I wished would never come. It had come, time for me to say good-bye, to seal away my life and my heart in one blow.

As I was about to turn away, "Wait!" Her hands reached out for me. For a second I reached out for her too, but I stopped myself just in time, just in time to lock her arms to her sides. Just in time to give her one last kiss.

"Take care of yourself." And with that, I left my entire heart behind me.

-End of Another Flashback

And I had left her there, just left her there, defenseless in the forest. Even if I couldn't sleep, I had horrible dreams about what could've happened to her out there, all alone. I knew that her father would look for her, I had forged him a note after all, but I still worried about her, because I wasn't the one keeping her safe.

My mother had been right all along, the stars were a person's true spirit, they did shine so brightly because they were the embodiment of the person that they were. And I did find my spirit mate. I had found my Bella. When I wasn't with her, when I was out hunting, I would look up into the sky and see the star, and I would keep watch over her spirit as her bright light brightened my path.

There was no doubt in my mind that the star I had see 18 years ago, was Bella's, when she was born. Bella was always the most amazing creature, the most beautiful to anyone outside and in.

What I did doubt was that when she looked up into the sky, the star that she saw shining brighter than the rest was mine. I couldn't be her true love, her spirit mate. First of all, her spirit mate should be someone who can stay with her no matter what. Second, her spirit mate should be human. I would always love Bella more than anyone else ever could, but I knew that she would find someone to be with, someone to hold her, someone who could always be there, and the thought of that person made me mad, because that person wasn't me.

The day of her birthday was much more important than Alice's little party. My gift really had two parts, the CD, but that night I was going to take her to our meadow. I had asked Alice for weeks if we would have clear skies that night, and to my delight, she said yes every time. That night, I was going to take Bella to the meadow where we were going to look up at the stars. I was going to ask her if there were any star that was brightest to her, I never got my chance. But now I knew that the star that she would've pointed to wouldn't have been mine.

The night before I left, I looked at the sky, to gaze at Bella's spirit, that special brightness that lit up the dark sky, it was so bright that at times, I couldn't see any other star, just the bright ball of light that lit up the black sky.

And that was the last night that I looked at her star, her spirit. I couldn't stand to look at that beautiful sun, knowing that this was the only glimpse that I would get of Bella for the rest of my existence.

And so, I never looked up at the night sky again, because I knew that the thing that used to bring me so much comfort, would only tear me apart further.

And then, Rosalie had called. She had said that Bella was dead. With those few simple words, my entire universe started crashing down. But I had to be sure, I had to be absolutely sure, that Bella, my Bella was...dead. It hurt to even think the word but I had to.

I called her house, the one number that was still implanted in my mind, my fingers found a familiar pattern in the dialing of the numbers, and my longing that she was still alive grew.

When someone finally answered the phone, it wasn't the soft sweet voice of Bella, or Charlie's gruff voice that I was expecting. No, this was the voice of a man, someone who I did not recognize at all, but I couldn't think about that. I asked where Charlie was, all the stranger said was that he was at 'the funeral', and I shut the phone. Who's funeral could it be? It had to be Bella's. But the man never said anything about who's funeral it was, there was still hope. That one thought sent my crumbling universe back to it's, if not perfect condition without Bella, much better state.

A star. It had all begun with a star. And it would all end with a star too.

And so here I am, about to do one of the things that I promised myself I would never do. I had known, had always known, that when Bella...died, her star would go out, her spirit wouldn't need to be shone to the world, her spirit would be in heaven, where it belonged. I thought that I would never have to look at a sky without Bella's star in it, I would wait 80 years, by then I knew that Bella would certainly be dead, I wouldn't have to do this, I could just go to the Volturi.

I never expected this, that Bella would die, and I would be unsure. I was in denial, I knew the truth, but I also knew that this was the only way, the last resort.

Fine, I say to myself, I'll do it...for Bella. Indeed, she was the only one that I would ever do this or anything else for.

I was on the canopy of one of the trees in Brazil. I couldn't stay in the busy city, with all of it's smoke and air pollution, clouding the sky. Out here, I knew that I would be able to see the sky clearly. I would be able to see Bella's star, know that this was some sick joke, and go back to my nothingness with the memory of seeing Bella's spirit in the sky.

It was my last resort. It would only bring me added either pain. If I saw her spirit shining brightly amongst the black sky, I would be reminded that I wasn't with her, reminded even more forcefully of my pain. If I didn't see her star in the sky, then it would be true, she would be dead.

I looked up. All I saw was black, there were no stars out, the moon was just a pinpoint of light. Without Bella's spirit in the sky, everything was black, I could no longer revel in the star's beauty. I was so used to seeing Bella's light, that was brighter than the sun, that I couldn't recognize anything less as a star.

All that didn't matter though, what did matter was the fact that I couldn't see Bella's star.

The world came crashing down on me, love, life, will to go on, all was lost. My spirit mate, my Bella, she was gone.

Just like that, I made my decision. I will not, can not go on without Bella. Even if there wasn't anything at the other end of death, it would be better than this total pain that I was feeling. Even when I first left her, that pain was much better than this, at least I knew that she was alive.

No matter what, I will not go on. It is time that I paid dear Aro a little visit.

I made my way back to town, with the utter blackness behind me. I'm coming Bella.

In the end my Mother was right, Fate would find a way to bring us together, by leaving this world, I would hopefully be with my Bella forever.

* * *

**_Why couldn't Edward see Bella's star? She wasn't dead._**

**_TwilightSnowStar_**


End file.
